My Experience Going on ADHD Meds

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A DOCTOR, PHARMACIST, NURSE, OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!!!!  The following is my experience only.

So...I got my diagnosis and was told that I would be a good candidate for stimulant ADHD medications.

Why stimulants?  From what I understand (again, not a medical professional) they tend to be a first choice in treating ADHD.  They work well.  And, as long as you don't have any conditions that make them counter-indicated, they tend not to have awful side effects, and the effects wear off quickly if they do.

I do not have any conditions that would cause stimulant medication to be dangerous such as: heart conditions, high blood pressure, anorexia, or anything else from the list.

I was not a great candidate for the non-stimulant medications because they are either anti-depressants - and I'm already on an anti-depressant that improves my mood but does nothing for my scatter-brained-ness, or a blood pressure reducing medication - and my blood pressure is currently fantastic, and even dips down to "low" at times, so that wouldn't be a good choice for me either.

So stimulant medication it is!

It was over two months from my initial diagnosis to the time that I was able to see my new psychiatrist.  While I was waiting, I used the coping skills that I had learned from my therapist.  I saw great improvement in my overall function.  I was finally starting to organize my house, I was getting on a cleaning routine, I was getting things done!  It was a great feeling!

It was finally time to see the doctor.  It was a long appointment - it always will be for a new patient.  He asked me a lot of questions about my general health and how I had been doing since my diagnosis.  Since I have a child with ADHD who responded very favorable to the meds, he asked which medication my child is taking.  He told me that it would be appropriate for me to try the same medication and see how that works, especially since I am biologically related to my child and there is a genetic relation to how certain medications work for individuals.

I started on the smallest dose.  The anti-depressant that I am on (Welbutrin) tends to amplify the effects of stimulants so there is a good chance that the smallest dose is all I'll need.

Here is what I was expecting from the medication:

1. To not be completely and utterly exhausted all. the. time.  No matter how much sleep I got, I woke up tired, I was tired all day, I had a huge crash before 5pm, and I went to bed exhausted.  All. the. time.
2.  To be able to focus on whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
3.  To be motivated!!!
4. To lose weight.  Hey, it's listed as a side effect and, while it's not what I was taking it for, it would be nice if it had that effect since I am so very, very far over my ideal weight.
5.  To get all of the things done!
6.  To be able to do even more things!
7.  To improve my relationships with people because I can focus on what they are saying and REALLY listen, and because I would no longer be letting them down all the time.
8.  To figure out what I want to do with my life and to actually do it.

And here's what actually happened:

1.  Ok, this one did work out.  I'm not as exhausted as I was.  I was using up so much energy focusing all day that by 5pm I was so completely done and just couldn't do any more.  Now I don't use up all my energy trying to focus so when the medication does wear off in the evenings, I still have some energy left to put into that focus.  Note: this ONLY happens if I get a FULL EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP!!!!!  This medication will NOT make it so that you don't have to sleep!  If you don't get your FULL EIGHT HOURS that every human being needs, your evening crash will be BAD!  Plus, you'll still be groggy during the day, even with the meds.

2.  This didn't happen quite as much as I had hoped, but I can focus much better.  I also find it much easier to change my focus if I need to.

3.  Nope.  Motivation still has to come from within.  This just helps with my ability to focus on and carry out the things that I am motivated to do.

4.  Nope.  There was slight appetite suppression in the beginning but that ended, and I still have to stay on my eating plan in order to lose weight.

5.  Nope.  Not even close.  I'm still human and can only do so much.  This medication does not change that.

6.  Nope.  I can still only do the number of things that a human being can reasonably do.  I still have to be very careful not to over-commit myself.

7.  I'm not sure if my relationships have improved, but I do find that I'm able to really listen and focus on what the other person is saying instead of spending the whole time thinking about what I want to say.  I also find that I interrupt less.  At least, I think I do.

8.  I'm still working on this one.  I think I know what I want to do, I'm just trying to figure out how to make it happen.

And here is one thing that happened with medication that I wasn't expecting:

9.  Massages are much better on the medication.  What????  That doesn't make much sense, except that after thinking about it, it does.  I have regular massages to relieve horrible muscle knots that I get in my neck which cause me all sorts of issues.  The first time I had one after going on medication, I enjoyed it so much more than I had before.  Why?  Well, before, my mind would be all over the place while I was having the massage.  I would still get the lasting benefit because the knots had been rubbed and loosened, but I didn't actually enjoy the moment of the massage because I was never actually IN THE MOMENT!

Now I'm living much more of my life in the actual moment.  For the first time, I feel like I am actually present for my own life, and that has made all of my life so much more enjoyable.

New Vlog

Hi, guys!

I have a new vlog up.  This one is about how keeping a neater environment helps your overall mood.  I also demonstrate how to fold a t-shirt to fit perfectly in your dresser drawer.

Thanks for watching!  I'm still figuring out my vlogging style.  It's been fun.  :-)

Do you find that keeping a neater environment helps your mood.  How do you motivate yourself to clean up your environment?

Reaction to The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 1 - SPOILERS!!!!!

Hey, guys, I posted a new video on my YouTube channel.  This isn't my typical video - this is my reaction to The Walking Dead Season 7 Premiere.

Now, if you haven't ever watched The Walking Dead, then I DON'T recommend watching this video.  I did not include video of the show, but you can clearly hear what is going on while I am reacting to it and it is DISTURBING!!!

Also, if you watch the show but you haven't seen this episode, and you've somehow managed to avoid spoilers - stop right here!  Spoilers ahead!!!






OMG!!!!!!!!!  It's been 3 days and I'm still shocked!  I mean, we knew there would be ONE death but I didn't expect the SECOND one!!!

This sets up a whole new story for everyone, though.  How will they respond to what happened?  Will they do what Negan demands, or will they fight?

What did you think of the episode?  Did you see the second death coming?

Youtube Channel is Up and Running!

My Youtube Channel is up and running!  Come check it out and let me know what you think!

Right now there is a welcome video, plus 3 regular videos.  They are all linked below:

Welcome:

Why I'm here and What I'm Hoping to Do:

Vlogging:

Chatting about editing and tv:

I hope you enjoy them!  If you do, please click subscribe!

Fatigue

I've been tired for as long as I remember.

When I was in high school, I could easily sleep past noon.

I thought it was because I had insomnia.  I couldn't fall asleep so, naturally, I would sleep late once I did fall asleep.  The only thing was, it wasn't always because of insomnia that I slept late.  When I added up the hours that I slept, I found that I was sleeping 12-14 hours when I didn't have to get up for school.

When I was awake I was tired all the time.  My parents used to tell me that I was too young to be that tired but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

When I was officially diagnosed with depression at the age of 15 I thought that was the reason that I slept so much.  In time, the depression seemed to lift, but I never was really free from the nagging exhaustion that had plagued me since puberty.

It continued throughout my 20's.  It was worse when my depression was at it's highest but, even when I was feeling mentally well, it was always there, just under the surface.

Then I had a baby.

I experienced exhaustion like I had never experienced it before.  Between waking with the baby and worrying about the baby, I barely slept at all.  It was years before I actually had a full night's sleep.

I figured once the kids were older and sleeping through the night, things would get better.

The years went by, the kids slept, and yet, I was still exhausted.  I had all of the bloodwork that is recommended for fatigue - everything always came back fine.  I wondered what was wrong with me.  This couldn't be how I was supposed to feel, could it?

I had started suspecting that I might have ADHD and was doing research when I came across information bout ADHD and sleep issues.

It turns out sleep issues are very common with ADHD.  Some of the issues we are prone to are, insomnia, delayed sleep phase, restless leg syndrome, and daytime sleepiness.

We also have a tendency to overestimate the amount of sleep that we are actually getting.  There are times that I thought I was regularly getting to sleep at 10:00 when I was actually going to sleep around 11:30.

Unfortunately, sleep deprivation can make it harder to control ADHD symptoms.  Now that I've started treatment, I can really tell when my sleep is off.  That "brain fog" returns with a vengeance.

One thing that has helped is to set a "go to sleep" alarm with soft soothing music to remind me that it's time to sleep.  I also find that a nighttime routine helps to remind my brain and body that it is tie to sleep.  My nightly cup of Sleepytime Tea with milk helps too.

Do you find that you have trouble with sleep?  What do you do to help yourself?

...and Where I'm Going

So where do I go from here?

The process of getting everything “perfect” and coming up with the words and presentation that I want are holding me back.  I need to let go of my fear of another failure and take chances.  So what if I come across as a flake who gets gung ho and obsessive, and then moves on to something else when I tire of what I’m doing?  What’s the worst that can happen?  I’ll let people down and, to me, that is the worst feeling.  I hate feeling like people are disappointed in me.

What do I want to be when I grow up?  I’m feeling a bit late in the game for that question.  I went to school for 6 semesters + a summer to get the pre-requisites and general ed classes for nursing.  Then I realized that I probably am not best suited to be a nurse.  I'm not able to leave my work at work and I would bring that stress home with me every single day, which would be really bad for my family and for my own mental health.   Now I just don’t know.

I think I want to work with adults who struggle like I do.  I’m not sure what I have to do to make that a reality.  I don’t even know what questions to ask to go about finding what I should do.  I need to hurry – the deadline for application to nursing school or the radiology tech program is December 1st.

Maybe ADHD coaching or adult health education?  I don’t know.  I could probably do something like that with a nursing degree, but is it necessary to go through nursing school in order to do that?
Fear is holding me back again.  I’m afraid to even inquire about other options for fear of looking like a flake again.  I want to be a police officer!  I want to be an astronaut!  I want to be a ballerina!  I want to be a princess!!!!!!

So, now I share my story.  Maybe it will help some one else, and maybe it will help me to find the clarity that I need to move forward.  I will be updating this blog regularly - my goal is to have at least one full post per week.  I am also starting a channel on Youtube, and will have a post for every video as well.

Now it's your turn.  I want to hear all about you and what brings you here.  I'd also love to hear about what you'd like to read here.  Leave a comment so that we can get to know each other!

Where I'm Coming From...

Girls don't have ADHD!  At least, that's what they said...

You're not hyperactive!  You can't have ADHD!  At least, that's what they said...

You're not a kid!  Adults don't have ADHD!  At least, that's what they said...

They were wrong.  They were wrong about it all.

Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Cindi.  I'm a girl.  I tend to be calm most of the time.  I'm an adult.  I'm pretty much the opposite of who they said had ADHD, and yet, that's exactly what I have.

I was diagnosed as an adult.  I had already had children by the time I was diagnosed.  I have a child with ADHD, who everyone has always said takes after me. I had suspected that I might have ADHD for years, but that's when I knew for sure.

"You're so smart!" they said.  "Why don't you apply yourself?" they said.  

They never knew how much I struggled.  How hard I had to work to do things that most other kids could do without a problem.

"Not working up to her potential."

It doesn't matter how smart you are when you are so stuck inside your own head that you can't get anything done.

"Daydreamer..."

It's how I went from honor student to average student to barely passing the grade to honor student.

"Not working hard enough..."

This was my entire Elementary/Jr. High/High School career.

The focus required to stay on task and do my work was exhausting.  I'd do very well for a semester, a year max, and then I'd crash and burn.

I never knew why...and neither did anyone else.

There was so little known about ADHD at that time that nobody ever suspected that I could possibly have it.

Feeling like I could never measure up, like I was never good enough, led to low self worth.  To depression. To hopelessness.

30+ years of depression with scattered, short-lived moments of reprieve.

Then I was diagnosed with ADHD.

It was one of the best days of my life.

I finally knew why I had struggled.  I finally knew what to do to help myself.  I finally had relief.

Now I must decide where to go from here.